Enough Factor Podcast
E19: Broken Open: The Journey From Grief To Purpose

E19: Broken Open: The Journey From Grief To Purpose

July 21, 2019

Am I stuck in grief? This was the question Catherine McNulty asked herself when someone told her she was.  It had been 2 years since her infant son died yet sadness and depression were her constant companions. Grief had become her new normal.

Normally, I don't walk around thinking about grief. In fact, I honestly try to avoid it.  But within the last two weeks, at least three people I know have buried a parent. And within the last couple of years, I've gone to more funerals than I've ever wanted to. Though my conversation with Catherine was taped some time ago, it could not be more timely.  

Catherine McNulty is a Grief Coach, something that she so desperately needed when she found herself in the throes of grief.  She was stuck and didn't know how to find her way out of the sadness, the overwhelm, the hopelessness.  Desperate for help, she looked for resources.  There were books that told her about the stages but no "manual" to navigate her out. She created her own manual. 

Through her desperate quest to find hope, Catherine discovered that:

  • With a broader context of grief, you can move through it to a greater experience of life
  • You can channel your pain to something that honors your loved one
  • Counseling can get you on the path.  Having someone who has gone into the unknown as a guide can help you navigate the unknowns of the path
  • Your grief doesn't have to lead to suffering.  You can feel the pain and move through it to purpose.

Hers is a story of being broken open--going from stuck in grief to finding purpose on the other side of it.  Now, she helps others do the same.  

More About Catherine

After losing her infant son in 2011, Catherine embarked on a journey to do more than survive grief.  The loss forever changed the trajectory of her life and sent her looking for meaning and purpose for the life she was given. She channeled the love for her son into her own healing, self-growth and personal empowerment.  

Today, she has created a framework to grief that disrupts conventional ways of looking at loss. She challenges her clients to step outside of a victim mindset and regain control of how they navigate grief.  She teaches how to grow through grief and encourages speaking openly about grief to break down the walls of silence around grief.

Catherine lives in San Diego wit her family where she speaks, writes and offers coaching to those who wat to do more than just survive grief.   She is a board member of Empty Cradle and volunteers at Miracle Babies and The Ronald McDonald House.  Her business, Grief INSPIRED supports those who are grieving and guides them to create a new normal that honors the ones they've lost.

Things that made me go hmmm:

From Catherine:

"I was going through the motions. And I'd go through my day and I went to work and I did all those things. But I really wasn't living."

"Why is there not a manual for this? I looked and I looked and I could not find what I personally needed."

"We don't talk about grief as a society...and so we don't know how to deal with it."

"It is very easy, and often understandable, to sit in your loss and feel like a victim and say 'My life is over.' And that's one route that you can take. But what I stand for is a different route that's saying, 'Let's work through this...Let's figure it out.' " 

"The reason why we are here is really to uncover who we really are, and what our what our gift to the world is."

References Mentioned:

Grief INSPIRED Website https://griefinspired.com

The Gifts of Grief Book https://www.amazon.com/GIFTS-GRIEF-Grief-Unwanted-Changed/dp/1539385248

Grief INSPIRED Facebook Group  https://www.facebook.com/groups/257805561235106

Grief INSPIRED YouTube  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6dVH-N7WGAivV19oh4UtDw

Grief INSPIRED Twitter  https://twitter.com/Grief_Inspired

Enoughness Reminder

Says Catherine, "I think the takeaway is I really want you to know what to do. When grief happens to you. You don't necessarily need to be a victim, there is another way. So come to me and I will help you do that. And when it happens to someone that you love, someone that you know experiences a loss, don't be afraid to step in and be courageous enough to say, to say, 'I don't know what to say, but I'm here with you.' Don't avoid it. I know it can be hard, but those people will really, really appreciate you if you don't just avoid them. So step into it, and just say, 'I don't know how to help. But I want to help.' "

What were your aha moments? We'd love to hear them!

To dive more deeply into today's episode or to get answers to specific questions, join us at Enough Factor Connect at www.facebook.com/groups/enoughfactorconnect.

Interested in being a guest?

We've made it easy peasy! Go to www.suzettesolutions.com/ourpodcast to "Want To Be A Guest"! and someone from our team with contact you!

Interested in up leveling your relationship?

Gain access into the male psyche as both relationship experts and regular good men talk about men, love and relationships at my YOU ASKED? GOOD MEN ANSWERED! Virtual Summit! This year's theme: The Power of A Good Woman. Learn more/register at www.goodmenanswered.com.

Thank you for listening!

Credits

Music by DH The Composer https://linktr.ee/dhthecomposer

Cover Design by Odyssey Administrative Services, LLC https://www.facebook.com/odysseyadministrativeservices

Photo from the gallery of royalty free photo options on Pixteller.com

E18: Transitioning Out of Brokenness

E18: Transitioning Out of Brokenness

July 14, 2019

What got broken?  This was a question I asked podcast guest, Chatela Monae, as we talked about why she is in the process of divorcing her husband.  What struck me was her determined intention to take care of herself during the process, first.  Something that many women don't do and as a result come out of their divorces bitter, fractured and afraid to trust a man again. 

In this, the last in our Recovering From Divorce Series, Chatela tells us a story all too common. The story of rushing into marriage thinking that the same smarts you bring to books will translate to relationships.  That, because a man asks you to marry him, he recognizes your value and wants to marry you for all the right reasons.  The belief that if you pray long and hard that somehow God is going to fix what's broken and save your marriage.

Despite Chatela's pending divorce, each day she chooses to take the path of wholeness.  In this episode, she shares how she is transitioning out of brokenness by:

  • Recognizing that the big emptiness inside of her was there before she got married and was not her husband's doing
  • Accepting that her beliefs about herself, love and men were shaped by people. Not by her.
  • Finding her esteem on the other side of her head: on the other side of making straight A's
  • Allowing her pain to come full circle
  • Understanding that an emotional void cannot be filled by another person

...and much more

Things that made us go hmmm

From Chatela

"What I've realized is having low self esteem is also not understanding your worth and your value."

"You can't take a broken woman and a broken man and have this wholesome, fulfilling relationship.  It just doesn't work that way."

"Who you decide to join your life with, they have the potential to bring you closer or further away from your life's purpose."

"I never wanted a broken family. But I realized just because a family stays together doesn't mean it's not broken."

"Ultimately, I can't be angry at anyone else for being them."

"I think we genuinely do hear things from God, we just don't understand the context of what he's saying."

"You are so infinitely special!"

From Suzette

"I don't believe submission means now I'm relegated to the deaf, dumb and blind section...that sounds a lot like slavery."

"You were so enough that God, Your Higher Consciousness, the Universe, gave the ultimate sacrifice for you. Don't you think God would have concern about you being in something that is hurting you, harming you, causing you to question your value?"

"It's a difference in being loved by your dad, as his daughter, and how your dad shows up as a husband.  Only my mom could be married to my dad.  Not me."

"But I think the grace is that you have grace to be with that person."

References Mentioned

Netflix Movie starring Sanaa Lathan:  Nappily Ever After  https://theglowup.theroot.com/nappily-ever-after-sanaa-lathans-netflix-original-unta-1828094162

Chatela Monae Website  http://chatelamonae.life/

Chatela Monae YouTube  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCULaMd6CZtF0K4_4FZBnVxA

Chatela Monae Instagram http://bit.ly/ChatelaMonaeIG

Mommie Mogul Group http://bit.ly/MommieMogulGroup

Email: hello@chatelamonae.life

You Asked? Good Men Answered! Virtual Summit Website  www.goodmenanswered.com

You Asked? Good Men Answered! Facebook Page www.facebook.com/goodmenanswered

About Chatela

Chatela was born and raised by her mother in the small town of Gainesville, GA.  Growing up, she took her education very seriously which led her to attend not only public but private and even boarding schools.  This was an area she always excelled in, so that giftedness along with her hard work afforded her the opportunity to attend the University of Georgia.  For two years, she was well on the route to medical school, conducting undergraduate research and even teaching science through a STEM program at a local elementary school.  However, after some soul searching, she felt this was not her true calling and switched to fashion merchandising.  Ultimately this change did not bring about the clarity she had hoped for and it has taken until recently to better understand what she's called to do in this life. 

While she was on maternity leave, after obtaining her real estate license, she went to work for an investment real estate firm.  She started a YouTube channel for entrepreneurial mothers.  It was during this time that she became clear about her passion.  It was serving inspiration to other women so they can see the light within themselves. Just the same, she completely lost sight of the power within herself which led her on a very intentional spiritual journey.  She has made many ground breaking revelations. One of which to separate from her husband. Another, to become a holistic health coach. 

Chatela takes it one day at a time.  She's finding a new normal, intentionally pushing beyond her comfort zones and continuing to cultivate the light within so she can help heal the world one person at a time.

Enoughness Reminder

Says Chatela, "It's just so important to get to a place where you just do the inner work.  And just realize you are enough.  I just want to scream it from the rooftops.  YOU ARE ENOUGH! And it doesn't take somebody else to validate you.  Or to give you that validation.  You have that within you.  You are infinitely special."

What were your aha moments? We'd love to hear them!

To dive more deeply into today's episode or to get answers to specific questions, join other Enough Warriors at Enough Factor Connect.  

Interested in being a guest?

We've made it easy peasy!  Click here and someone from our team will contact you! 

Interested in up leveling your relationship?

Gain access into the male psyche as both relationship experts and regular good men talk about men, love and relationships at my YOU ASKED? GOOD MEN ANSWERED! Virtual Summit! This year's theme: The Power of A Good Woman. Learn more/register at www.goodmenanswered.com.  

Thank you for listening!

Credits

E17: Removing the Stigma So You Can Enjoy Sex

E17: Removing the Stigma So You Can Enjoy Sex

July 7, 2019

Good girls don't, bad girls do?  Guess again!  Good girls talk about sex.  In fact, good girls want to enjoy sex too! This episode is all about sexual freedom a topic near and dear to our guest's heart. For Leah Carey spent 42 years mired in shame, laying on her back during intercourse, staring up at the proverbial ceiling waiting for it to be over.  She didn't know she could ask for what she wanted so she endured what she didn't want.

In this episode, you'll feel like you're at the table sipping wine with girlfriends Leah and Suzette as they have a candid conversation about:

  • stigmas surrounding enjoying sex and why they should be removed
  • the difference between a sexual communication coach, sex therapist and sex coach
  • things we don't want to admit to ourselves about our sexual desires
  • the limited and sometimes disingenuous information we've been fed about what normal sex looks like

...and much more

Things that made us go hmmm

From Leah:

“For me, sex, it was never about my pleasure. It was about fulfilling my partner's needs.”

“Oh, so what you're saying is that you can be a good girl and enjoy having sex?”

“How much energy do you end up expending by trying to cover up this really essential part of you?

"I hear from women and men there is some fear around looking at the places in their sex lives that don't work."

From Suzette:

“For a very long time, the reason I didn't know how to communicate what I wanted was because I wasn't in touch with my body. You don't know what makes you feel good.”

“And then you're afraid if you show you are having that good a time, the guy will go, 'Wait a minute. She's loose'."

“How do you ask for what you want without offending your man?”

References Mentioned

About Leah

Leah Carey is a sexual communication coach who helps women learn to communicate about sex so they can get what they really want in the bedroom - rather than just accepting (tolerating) what they're given.  She is the creator and host of the podcast "Good Girls Talk About Sex."  Spending most of her life being a VERY good girl, sexual freedom is a subject that is deeply personal to Leah for most of the sex she had was either boring or painful. But she endured it because she wanted the cuddling that happened after.  She is now passionate about breaking the silence, fear and shame around women's sexuality and pleasure and redefining what it means to be a "good girl."

Enoughness Reminder

You are enough to have sex and to enjoy sex.  No stigma's.  No shame.  You were created to have sexual pleasure and to enjoy the having. 

What were your aha moments? We'd love to hear them!

To dive more deeply into today's episode or to get answers to specific questions, join other Enough Warriors at Enough Factor Connect.  

Interested in being a guest?

We've made it easy peasy!  Click here and someone from our team will contact you! 

Interested in up leveling your relationship?

Gain access into the male psyche as both relationship experts and regular good men talk about men, love and relationships at my YOU ASKED? GOOD MEN ANSWERED! Virtual Summit! This year's theme: The Power of A Good Woman. Learn more/register at www.goodmenanswered.com.  

Thank you for listening!

Credits

E16: When ‘For Worse’ Is The Death Of Your Marriage

E16: When ‘For Worse’ Is The Death Of Your Marriage

June 30, 2019

Joining in our Recovering From Divorce Series is none other than Co-Host Dating Commentator Troy Vaughan.  In their old school meets new school style, Troy and Suzette go in the ring to go round for round about this question: Why do folks exchange the wedding vows, "for better, for worse...til death us do part" and, with all that said, still get divorced?   

Troy and Suzette discuss:

  • Does single really mean single...period?
  • Do women feel pressured to get married?
  • Do most people exit marriage prematurely?
  • Til death us do part is not created equal
  • The 50-50 marriage proposition: 50% of marriage ends in divorce
  • Why talking is not necessarily communicating

Things that made us go hmmm

From Troy:

“What side of the ring are you on? Are you trying to get inside the wedding ring or are you trying to get out.”

“If I'm in a relationship, if I'm dating someone exclusively, if I have a woman that I'm sharing time and space with, then I am not a single man.”

“Some couples will divorce because of infidelity. other couples feel like, well, infidelity is bad, but it's not 'the worse.' ”

“ There are a lot of happy pictures of a lot of happy couples that are miserable together, but they know how to do a great presentation on social media.”

From Suzette:

“We think sometimes that until death us do part means, you know until you transition until you pass until you die...But death can be whatever that thing is that is your deal breaker.”

“Troy, do you think that as a culture, we're more in love with the idea of marriage than marriage itself?"

“You got to retrain yourself, instead of being attracted to an unavailable man, find out what available men do.”

References Mentioned

 About Troy

Troy Vaughan is a rising persona in Atlanta, quickly becoming a notable speaker and entrepreneur. Pragmatic, electric, and relatable, Troy’s energy and point-of-view on topics germane to divorce survivorship and transformation, dating communications, entrepreneurship, and thriving with a chronic illness has made him a promising motivational speaker and thought leader. A former patient of St. Jude’s, he is a native of Memphis, Tennessee; holding a B.A. from Morehouse College as well as an MPH from Morehouse School of Medicine. His catch phrase “Achieve with a Vengeance”, a message of unyielding determination and staunch self-efficacy in the face of adversity, is both inspiring as well as galvanizing. He is the co-founder of a widely growing organization and online community, RING|SIDE, where men and women enter the ring to debate issues like chronic singlehood, marriage, and divorce.

Enoughness Reminder

When you get to a certain age and you've not gotten married, there is pressure to tie the knot.  Everybody is asking you when you're going to get married.  Even if they aren't asking you directly, it's in the looks they give or the hush-hush when you walk into the room.  It's hard to hold on to feelings of enoughness when these actions alone question it.  This is where you have to know that it's not who you are coupled with, but who you are that makes you enough.  People come and go, but you still remain.  

What were your aha moments? We'd love to hear them!

To dive more deeply into today's episode or to get answers to specific questions, join other Enough Warriors at Enough Factor Connect.  

Interested in being a guest?

We've made it easy peasy!  Click here and someone from our team will contact you!.  

Interested in up leveling your relationship?

Gain access into the male psyche as both relationship experts and regular good men talk about men, love and relationships at my YOU ASKED? GOOD MEN ANSWERED! Virtual Summit! This year's theme: The Power of A Good Woman. Learn more/register at www.goodmenanswered.com.  .  

Thank you for listening!

Credits

E15: I had no idea how to overcome failure!

E15: I had no idea how to overcome failure!

June 23, 2019

Tiffany Green and her husband were the picture perfect couple: smart, attractive and, by all intents and purposes, the quintessential couple.  Even, their families adored each other.  Theirs should have been the ultimate happily ever after story! Yet after 3 1/2 years of marriage, Tiffany called it quits. Up until this point, she had never failed at anything but here she was with a failed marriage and had no idea how to overcome this failure! This third episode in our Recovering From Divorce Series chronicles Tiffany's journey to the real answers she was seeking and the real resolution her soul required.  

In this episode, Tiffany shares:

  • The false reality of success
  • How she overcame the shame and guilt of failure
  • One of the worst things you can do when someone is going through a divorce
  • The importance of embracing the loneliness instead of trying to avoid it
  • What her divorce taught her about herself

Things that made us go hmmm

From Tiffany:

“I needed to go through this feeling of loneliness to get back to the feeling of being okay.”

“You realize God loves you more than this marriage, right?”

“People normally shame [others] when they feel like there's a loophole that they're missing.”

“But when you have done all the work - and you have owned your narrative, and you take out the shame, and the anger and the guilt, and whatever else you're holding on to - nothing you say to anyone or nothing that they say to you can really, like, take you out.”

From Suzette:

“So many of us stay in relationships too long, not because we don't know necessarily that it’s toxic, but because of the shame.”

“When you're married, you're so busy giving out that you don't realize the person that's been waiting for you to pay attention is you."

“I'm kind of struggling with calling it [divorce] a failure. Because look at who you've become as a result.”

About Tiffany Green

Tiffany is a native of New Haven, Connecticut. She earned a Bachelor’s degree from the University of Connecticut and a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology at Howard University in Washington DC.  After graduating from Howard University, she joined the First-Year Success Center team at the University of New Haven where she was a counselor helping first-year college students adjust to the rigors of college. After 5 years at the University of New Haven, she took a job with Achievement First Amistad High School in New Haven. She now works at an amazing project and place-based high school called, Think Global School (TGS), as a school counselor. TGS takes students to 12 countries over a 3-year high school career to learn experientially, engage in community service and experience the various cultures encountered firsthand.

References Mentioned:

Enoughness Reminder

Sometimes life hits you up side your head and leaves you dazed and confused, and those who love you most can’t understand.  Sadly, that happens all too often.  At those times, the only thing you have is an inner knowing, an inner knowing that there’s got to be something better out there for you.  That’s enough though for your Inner Guide is always wise.  If you dare to stay the path, it’ll give you what you need to overcome your current circumstance and be better on the other side. 

What were your aha moments? We'd love to hear them!

To dive more deeply into today's episode or to get answers to specific questions, join other Enough Warriors atEnough Factor Connect..  

Interested in being a guest?

We've made it easy peasy!  Click here and someone from our team will contact you!.  

Interested in up leveling your relationship?

Gain access into the male psyche as both relationship experts and regular good men talk about men, love and relationships at my YOU ASKED? GOOD MEN ANSWERED! Virtual Summit! This year's theme: The Power of A Good Woman. Learn more/register at www.goodmenanswered.com.  .  

Thank you for listening!

Credits

E14: Building A Legacy…One Diaper At A Time

E14: Building A Legacy…One Diaper At A Time

June 16, 2019

According to Pew Research, the number of fathers who do not work outside the home is on the rise.  It was up to 2 million in 2012 in fact!  In this special Father’s Day episode, I’m talking with one of those unsung heroes.  He’s music producer and stay-at-home dad Derrien Hinton aka “DH The Composer”. In our candid conversation, Derrien talks about the realities of parenting twin boys, how brand building and legacy building are intertwined, and the new definition of provider he's adopting...one diaper at a time.

In this episode, Derrien and Suzette talk about:

  • The importance of legacy building in parenting
  • What it means to be great even when it looks like you’re failing
  • Overcoming “alpha selfishness”
  • How life doesn’t stop and you don’t automatically become a fantastic person just because you’re a dad

Things that made us go hmmm

From Derrien:

“To be great, [I have to be] like, I use the term, ‘grateful in my pasture.’ ”

“Being a stay-at-home father has taught me quite a bit about the other ways that my role in the household is valuable.”

“When you don't have your accomplishments to fall back on, you see who you really are.”

“I learned how much I compare myself to people. And I believe that comparison is the thief of joy.”

“There's a level of alpha selfishness, to a certain extent, that I think that I had the capacity to embody.”

“Be aware enough to ask for help, when you need it.”

From Suzette:

“It's when you're in these isolated situations, you know, situations where things didn't go quite the way you thought they were going to go that it really reveals what your definition of your enoughness is.”

“Because you give birth to children does not automatically change you into this paragon of virtue and consciousness, [you] still struggle with the same things you had before."

“I think what was very key, at least for me, was regardless to whatever mix ups, mess ups, you know, getting it wrong, whatever, at the end of the day, we could sit down and talk.”

About Derrien Hinton

Derrien is a graduate of Howard University. Before graduating with honors had already been offered an analyst position with Johnson and Johnson. Despite being on target for different promotions and opportunities, he had a bigger dream than moving up the corporate ladder, a dream that was birthed when he was a little boy, taking wooden spoons and drinking straws with books to recreate a drum set. So in February 2016, he founded Verum Music Group LLC, specializing in music production, artist development, and management. In fact, Derrien aka DH The Composer has provided the soundtrack to my You Asked? Good Men Answered! Virtual Summit for the past four years. His music is even the intro and outtro for this podcast. But of all his accomplishments, if you were to ask Derrien what he's most proud of, he’d point to two giggling faces. Hayden and Preston, who just turned 2 years old in May.

References Mentioned:

Enoughness Reminder

“Life happens to everybody. Be aware enough to ask for help, when you need it, whether it be through family, whether it be through friends, whether it be through even your own spiritual, emotional, mental walks in life. Definitely be sure to ask for help, because I don't think we're built as human beings to navigate this Life by ourselves.” -- Derrien Hinton  

What were your aha moments?  We'd love to hear them!

To dive more deeply into today's episode or to get answers to specific questions, join other Enough Warriors at Enough Factor Connect.

Interested in being a guest?

We've made it easy peasy!  Click here and someone from our team will contact you!

Interested in my free audio?

Instantly access "How Dating Mr. Wrong Led Me to Mr. Right" now from my official website, www.suzettesolutions.com/ourpodcast

Thank you for listening!

Credits

 

E13: Silent No More - How I Learned to Love My Voice

E13: Silent No More - How I Learned to Love My Voice

June 9, 2019

For years, Altovise Pelzer carried around a secret that she had kept concealed from everybody.  No one knew, not even her mother.  It wasn't until she felt compelled to share it with her daughter that Altovise went from silence to finding and loving her voice.  In this, our second episode in the Recovering From Divorce Series, Altovise shares her story of molestation, being evicted from her home, going through a divorce and being a people pleaser. But most of all, she shares her journey of enoughness and the unexpected full circle that brought her face-to-face with her ex-husband.

In this episode, Altovise talks about:

  • How she lost her voice and learned to love her voice
  • Owning her role in why the marriage didn’t work
  • How writing was cleansing for her and allowed her to recognize what she had to change inside
  • The importance of becoming a healthy example for her children so they know how to treat others and impact others in a positive way

Things that made us go hmmm

From Altovise:

“Motivation gets you over the hump, education helps prevent you from making mistakes someone else makes.”

“ We have to understand people have bad days. People have emotions moment, but you have to be able to love them through it. You have to be able to understand their perspective. And once you understand then you can properly communicate with someone.”

“The first time I had to say no was to me saying no to having a pity party.”

“I can’t change other people, I can change me”


From Suzette:

“I would have thought it made her [your daughter] feel horrified. Now that I think about it, it probably gave her permission to share more.”

“I am learning to say ‘no’ without having to explain it, without having to censor myself, or judge myself.”

“ It’s not saying no to people per se, it’s saying no to the people pleaser.”

“Your secret sauce is you.”

References mentioned:

Altovise Pelzer Official Website

Altovise Pelzer Book

Altovise Pelzer Group Facebook

Altovise Pelzer #SpeakEasy Podcast

Altovise Pelzer Love My Voice Networking and Empowerment Tour

Enoughness Reminder

Experiencing a trauma in your life can render you silent and confused about your own value--what lies at the root of people pleasing. It may seem like you'll be stuck in that silence forever, but you can find and love your voice.  If you are willing to open your heart, you can learn to love your voice, find your power and recognize the doors of opportunity being opened just for you.

About Altovise

Altovise Pelzer is the founder of the World Voice League, a Best-Selling Author, and Professional Speaker. She is the mother of four and will break out into an impromptu dance party, take a beach trip, or read a book. She also hosts the #Speakeasy podcast, your number one podcast for unscripted perspectives on becoming and staying a successfully paid author or speaker. She is the contributing author to the #1 best selling book Speak Up: The Ultimate Guide to Dominate in the Speaking Industry. She is quite the success story, but it hasn’t always been that way. She has been through homelessness and molestation. After years of silence she now uses her voice to motivate women to leverage their life circumstances by learning to love their voice.

What were your aha moments?  We'd love to hear them!

To dive more deeply into today's episode or to get answers to specific questions, join other Enough Warriors at Enough Factor Connect.

Interested in being a guest?

We've made it easy peasy!  Click here and someone from our team will contact you!

Interested in my free audio?

Instantly access "How Dating Mr. Wrong Led Me to Mr. Right" now from my official website, www.suzettesolutions.com/ourpodcast

 

Thank you for listening!

Credits

 

E12: Heartbreak Is Not A Life Sentence

E12: Heartbreak Is Not A Life Sentence

June 2, 2019

Kicking off my Recovering From Divorce Series is Voice Actor, International Public Speaker and The World's #1 Master Trainer on Relationship Sales Dynamics, Spike Spencer. In this episode, Spike shares his heartbreak at discovering his then-wife with his best friend, moving past the anger and internal blocks, to learning to cook with the right ingredients to attract the right partner.  Listen as Spike explains the something that has to click so heartbreak doesn't become a life sentence.    

In this episode, Spike and Suzette talk about:

  • Why heartbreak is not a life sentence but merely a stepping stone to richer relationships
  • Understanding that failure works for you not against you
  • This reality: to attract a strong woman, he has to become a strong man
  • The importance of a man knowing his way around the kitchen

Things that made us go hmmm

From Spike:

“That’s what God needed to give me. It actually happened for me, not to me.”

“In order to attract a strong woman, you have to become a strong man. And it's not a fake phony strength, it's got to be something strong, solid and internal.”

“A man who has stopped growing has stopped being attractive.”

“You attract where you are.”

“If you want to find the woman of your dreams, you better become the man of hers.”

From Suzette:

“You don’t need to change your message, you need to change your tribe.”

“If I'm going to fall as long as I fall forward I'm still going in the right direction."

About Spike Spencer

Spike Spencer created Relationship Sales Dynamics - a fusion of dating techniques and business training. Through his Clear. Connect. Close. process, Spike helps entrepreneurs, business owners, couples and families connect better and move forward in their businesses and personal lives. Spike was featured in the Netflix docu-series, “Chicken Soup for the Soul’s Being Dad” and he is the author of the upcoming book, FoodGame: A Man’s Ultimate Recipe For Dating Success.

References Mentioned:

Enoughness Reminder

No matter how you slice it, divorce is devastating.  The pulling apart can be brutal.  At the same time, the heartbreak need not be a life sentence. Accepting that it is over and moving on requires being strong enough to shift the focus from who was wrong and who gets what to healing your heart so you can move on to the richer life - and even love - that awaits.  

What were your aha moments?  We'd love to hear them!

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E11: I Like Him, But He’s Bipolar!

E11: I Like Him, But He’s Bipolar!

May 26, 2019

You're really feeling this person and think that they might just be "the one," but they tell you they are bipolar.  What do you do?  May is Mental Health Awareness Month and continuing the discussion is none other than my cohost, Dating and Relationship Commentator and Atlanta native Troy Vaughan. In this episode, Troy and I get real and talk about dating and mental health, the normalization of unhealthy mental health in the Black community, myths versus reality, and the importance of seeking a mental health professional at all stages of life.

In this episode, Suzette and Troy talk about:  

  • Dating and mental health: The irony that most of us face mental health challenges yet feel like dating someone with mental health challenges is "too much"
  • Normalizing mental health challenges and realizing that certain behaviors are not normal or healthy.
  • Debunking what mental health looks like within Black culture
  • The importance of seeking therapy and counseling

Things that made us go hmmm

From Troy:

“If you're out here searching for someone who is completely flawless and perfect, then you're going to be searching for a long time.” 

“If you're dating enough, you will find yourself sitting across the dinner table from someone who may have a mental illness, whether they’ve been diagnosed or not.” 

“We need to begin to recalibrate our belief system when it comes to how we choose to deal with mental illness and the stigma regarding mental illness.” 

“Don't wait until something happens to go to a medical doctor or counselor, or whatever the case may be. If you feel something isn't quite right, talk to someone, at least be transparent with someone who's a professional.” 

“You can still attend church and also make use of a professional counselor.” 

From Suzette:

“We all have gone through situations that have caused us to not be as mentally healthy or whole.” 

“One in five children struggle with their mental health and 70% of adult mental illness begins during childhood or adolescence, including depression, eating disorders, obsessive compulsive disorder and anxiety disorders.” (quoted from article)

“When it comes to mental health, a lot of us are missing subtle cues that our children are not okay.”

“We are not mental health professionals, but we experience mental health every second of our lives.”

References Mentioned

Enoughness Reminder

To a certain extent, all humanity struggles with mental health challenges.  All it takes is one traumatic life circumstance and your mental health is compromised.  There are many women and men walking around with undiagnosed mental illness and oftentimes you don't know until you start dating.  What's important, especially if you really like the person or are really attracted, is to not allow that to seduce you into assuming responsibility for that person.  Determine your boundaries beforehand and hold the individual accountable to taking appropriate self care.  If they choose not to, you have to be prepared to take your heart back and walk away.  

About Troy

Troy Vaughan is a rising persona in Atlanta, quickly becoming a notable speaker and entrepreneur. Pragmatic, electric, and relatable, Troy’s energy and point-of-view on topics germane to divorce survivorship and transformation, dating communications, entrepreneurship, and thriving with a chronic illness has made him a promising motivational speaker and thought leader. A former patient of St. Jude’s, he is a native of Memphis, Tennessee; holding a B.A. from Morehouse College as well as an MPH from Morehouse School of Medicine. His catch phrase “Achieve with a Vengeance”, a message of unyielding determination and staunch self-efficacy in the face of adversity, is both inspiring as well as galvanizing. He is the co-founder of a widely growing organization and online community, RING|SIDE, where men and women enter the ring to debate issues like chronic singlehood, marriage, and divorce.

What were your aha moments?  We'd love to hear them!

To dive more deeply into today's episode or to get answers to specific questions, join other Enough Warriors at Enough Factor Connect.

Interested in being a guest?

We've made it easy peasy!  Click here and someone from our team will contact you!

Interested in my free audio?

Instantly access "How Dating Mr. Wrong Led Me to Mr. Right" now from my official website, www.suzettesolutions.com/ourpodcast

 

Thank you for listening!

Credits

 

E10: REST - Release Every Situation Totally!

E10: REST - Release Every Situation Totally!

May 19, 2019

Have you ever felt uncomfortable being around people, avoided or cancelled appointments at the last minute or your mind “bugging” as if it’s on hyperdrive? In this episode, Cynthia White, a Speaker, Entrepreneur, Coach, Mentor, and Mental Health Advocate joins Suzette as they talk about how mental health should be acknowledged as an important issue in our society. Cynthia and Suzette share their thoughts on what healthy habits should be incorporated into our routine for us to live our life by design and not by default. Tune in as Cynthia shares her personal battle with mental illness and how she became her own advocate.

In this episode, Suzette and Cynthia talk about

  • Cynthia’s journey from going through a mental health illness to coming to terms with her condition  
  • The factors that actually contribute to mental health illnesses
  • Various types of mental health illnesses
  • Rest and other healthy habits as important factors in maintaining one’s mental health and helping us to have a healthier and fuller life

Things that made us go hmm

From Suzette:

“So many things can cause you to have mental health challenges.”

“We’re doing ourselves a disservice when we don’t rest.”

From Cynthia:

“Just as mental illness is real, so is recovery.”

“We know, yes, God can heal, but you can also use medicine.”

“If the God of the universe could sleep after he created everything that he created, why can’t we?”

“We don’t hustle. We don’t grind. We simply align.”

References mentioned

  • Cynthia White & Associates Website
  • Remarkable Living Institute Website
  • Cynthia White Facebook
  • Rest & Build: A 31-Day Journey to Restore Your Soul and Design a Life That Matters Book

Enoughness Reminder

Recovering is just as real as mental illnesses themselves. It may be a huge challenge to accept that your brain is not functioning the way it was designed to but professionals such as psychiatrists and psychologists can help you figure out what’s really going on. Hustling and grinding may be important for us to live, but resting is just as important in order to preserve our mental health.

About Cynthia White

Cynthia White is the CEO/Founder of Cynthia White and Associates LLC. This speaker, entrepreneur, coach, mentor, and mental health advocate has helped business professionals and entrepreneurs to showcase their brands visually from the inside out. As someone who survived a mental illness herself, Cynthia’s work with her company, Remarkable Living Institute,  helps women live their lives as intended by design and not by default. A proud mother of three adult children, Cynthia and her husband James, who is also a pastor, live in Cary, North Carolina. Cynthia exudes peace and elegance through her love of tea, crafting, flowers, and animal print.

What were your aha moments?  We'd love to hear them!

To dive more deeply into today's episode or to get answers to specific questions, join other Enough Warriors at Enough Factor Connect.

Interested in being a guest?

We've made it easy peasy!  Click here and someone from our team will contact you!

Interested in my free audio?

Instantly access "How Dating Mr. Wrong Led Me to Mr. Right" now from my official website, www.suzettesolutions.com/ourpodcast

 

Thank you for listening!

Credits